do what i please...

gonna spread the disease because i wanna...

no, i'm not diseased, i'm just sick, and i'm not gonna spread it.

i've spent the last 16 hours in my bed, on cold medicine to try to kill whatever it is that it ailing me. it's definatly not gone yet, but i'm feeling much better. i'm still in a fog at the moment, but i can't tell if it's the sick fog, or the 'i've got too much sleep' fog.

i feel especially bad because i talked to jen for a little while last night and she was upset. this distance is really kicking our asses. imagine that you are with the person you love. you have spent the majority of your relationship living in different places, but still seeing each other pretty regularly, but still not enough. THEN everything changes. you move to a place where the two of you are together all of the time, in fact you practically live together! for about an academic schoolyear! you find out that you two work so well together, sure you have your arguements, but you begin to rely on each other. like one of you waking the other person up in the morning when that person is NOT a morning person in ANY way! or, driving each other to school and whatnot. sleeping in a bed next to each other, feeling the warmth and love every night. THEN one of you just up and leaves, has to go to school again in a far away place. and all the ties that you developed are just cut and left there. the feeling is still there, but you left a part of you far away. it's hard, and this is what jen and i deal with every day. our relationship has always been one where one of us has always been far away from the other. there has only been two times where we were in the same place, at the same time, and one of them was high school, the other i've already described. all we want is to see each other more, we've been dating for SO long, but our relationship isn't like anyone elses' that i've ever seen. i've seen many relationships start and fail, sometimes the ones that fail seemed to be the ones that would make it. it's hard to tell. jen and i have stood the test of time, that's to say the least, i guess we just want to be together...why is that so hard for us? i should have all of the answers, but i don't. i love her, that's all i know, and it's done well for me thus far...

sorry, i don't even know what i'm rambling about, just a flood of emotions i guess.

well, today is friday and i'm still sick. so, i'll be taking it easy all day. maybe i'll break out the old x-box and figure out how to use it.

i've been told that i seem to write to only a few different people, HEW, schwee, bobanna, black mamba from time to time, and jen. i know my audience and that's who i write to. these people are the only people i know of who actually read my journal, so naturally i would write to my audience. it does make me seem a little pathetic i guess. of all the people i've just listed only one of them is a guy, and two of the females were friends of jen's before they were friends of mine. but, i do consider them friends now. black mamba is a friend of HEW's and the only person that jen hasn't met, but she'd probably like her if she met her. my circle of friends does seem a little small, but i have other people i interact with, like the people in my masters program. but, we don't hang out all that much and i have fun with them and all, but they aren't the same as my friends in seattle. besides, my cohort members all have their own lives established just like i do, they are always hanging out with their friends and whatnot, so it's not like we all have no life.

i'm putting all of this useless information out there so no one will feel like they've missed out on a part of something. my life is pretty uncomplicated, if it was i'd get confused...that happens to me easily. again i don't know exactly what i'm saying, but i'm just talking...if i seem to stop making sense, please refer to the title of my journal...

well, there's another update for ya'll hope things are going well...

update your stuff, i'll be home all weekend so i'll be checking! give me a call if you're bored!

-Weatherboy (who misses jen)